The President has the crappiest job in the world; millions of people to govern, half of which are waiting for you to fail, while the the other half is waiting for you to wave your magic wand and fix the world.  But i bet world peace, the middle east situation, gay marriage, oil spills, gun laws, legalization of marijuana and immigration could take a back seat for a bit if he wrote a few laws that allowed us to pacify a few of our day to day aggravations.

So if i were President I would implement…

  1. The <15 m.p.h. Law: If someone walks in front of you while you’re driving, you are now allowed to hit them, as long as you don’t go over 15 m.p.h.
  2. The Cutsies Law:  If you can’t decide what you want to order and have your money ready before you get to the register, you should be cut.  What exactly do I mean by “cut”?  It’s up for interpretation; power to the people.
  3. The Vigilante Law: If someone does something so dumb, selfish, or callous that they should be beaten, they should be beaten.
  4. The “Say It To My Face” Law: This would apply to text messaging, youtube, facebook, myspace, or any social networking site; If Person A posts something about Person B and Person B is offended, Person B may require Person A to say it to his face.  Should Person A refuse, the Vigilante Law is now in effect.  A sub-law would be the Posse Law: if Person A is runnin’ off at the mouth about Person B, Person B may require Person A to meet him/her in a dark alley of their choosing.
  5. The Accountability Law: Anyone, anywhere, may be held accountable for their actions, should they deserve it.  If found out of line, they will be punished in accordance with their offense by the strict guidelines provided by the B.A.M.F.S. (Brotherhood for the Accountability of the Maligners, the Flippant and the Selfish).

For Example:

  • A delinquent father is only half a man, and that should be made literal.
  • An egotistical jerk should be forced to tango with someone as big as his ego; a Silverback Gorilla will do.
  • A whiny, self-absorbed cry baby should have their mouth braced open and their head shoved in a fishbowl full of flies.

Any more suggestions?

Vote Adam Palmer in 2012